A semi-daily chronicle of my life as a musician, a family man, and a citizen of Oregon.

Mar 26, 2007

Garden Update

Well, have I got good news for you.

You probably visited this blog today wanting to see what was going on in that crazy "Worth-Allen" household - the place so crazy it needs two names - and see what kind of whacky hijinks have ensued since last you visited.

What you didn't expect to see was a completed garden fence. Like I said, have I got news for you.

Ta Daa!

That's what you got today when you visited the blog.

I know what you're thinking... is this too good to be true? Well, it is.. but it isn't. Jen isn't a quitter. She's not a giver upper. She's not even an individual who gets phased by adversity. Quite to the contrary, each and every challenge presented to her is merely another opportunity for her to reinvent. And this garden is the epitome of reinvention.

Go ahead, check it out, feel free to kick the posts, but not too hard or you'll hurt your foot - because those posts are held in place by concrete! That's right, concrete. And the screening? I'll have you know that only the finest in plastic gardening products have been used. The screening is hand applied, strategically placed in the tradition of the finest screeners from Peru - placed in such a way that sunlight gets through and dogs stay out. One thing we don't want under any circumstances is a dog in the garden.

You may have noticed the decorative caps on top of each post. We were unsure of how to choose which fence post caps to use. To make the final determination, the finest post cap makers from each continent competed over three weeks to determine which continent was the best at making caps for fences. It may be surprising to you, the ignorant and slothful reader, but those in the know won't be surprised to learn that the winner of this presitigious contest was Antarctica. Antarctica may seem like a strange location to produce such fence capping perfection, but it turns out that the harsh conditions and receding landmass will accept nothing but the most rugged fence caps. You may have heard of the term "as sturdy as the fences in Antarctica" to refer to an indestructible item. Now you know where that comes from. The makers of our caps, Helmesh and Jim, couldn't have been prouder.

"Does the gate even work?" you ask. Well, you tell me -

Huh? Answer your question?

If not, then yes, it does work.

Oh, I could go on. The lead-based paint that protects the material from nuclear radiation, the titanium hardware. This is not my way, however. The last thing I want is for you, the lowly reader, to feel ashamed of your own modest garden fences. Better to learn that there is always someone out there with a better fence. If our self-worth is wrapped up in garden fences, we are destined to feel inadequate and ashamed.

Unless you are me. Because we really do have the best garden fence.