Meditation Journal

Slow start today, very encumbered especially thinking about music.  One insight I had was that my head is constantly filled with music. I think about particular songs and usually at any one time I have a song in my head.  This started when I was in middle school or so, which was a particularly tough time for me growing up.  I was feeling very alienated and that's about when I remember realizing that I always had a tune going on.  I would walk to school (pre-Walkman, or at least before I had access to one) and think about how it was kind of cool that I had my own radio station with me.

Interestingly, when I realized this I was able to let go of the music and experience silence, or at least the kind of silence you get when you're in your house and have various appliances humming and so forth.  It was tough to stay with it but for the most part I could.

Meditation Journal Entry

I’m trying to develop the habit of meditation so I’ve given myself the goal of meditating 20 minutes every day for 30 days in a row.  So far I’m on day 6 in a row, which is a good start. I thought it also might be good to jot down occasionally how the meditation goes or what the experience is like so that I can look back at it later.

Almost all meditations begin by focusing on the breath and that’s how today’s went.  Once calmed, I focused on experiencing the feelings and sounds around me as “2D”.  I tried to experience them as you might a 1980’s video game where the sounds aren’t immersive but are more externally generated.  The point of this meditation is to realize that the reality we experience isn’t true reality but rather a construct of mind and perception.  The meditation fell apart a bit at the end.  I’m not yet at the place where I can concentrate singularly on a particular subject such as breathing for the entire time, but rather I fall into deep meditation for a period of time and then my mind begins to wander and I have to lead it back to my breath or whatever it is I’m trying to achieve that day.

After 6 days here’s what I’ve noticed of meditating:

- I have a generally more positive outlook

- I’m less tired

- When I’m upset I have less intense feelings of anger or frustration when things don’t go my way

Next week I will add running back into my routine so I’ll be doing that in addition to meditating.